Dragons Forgotten: Extra Chronicles
by TheKaiserKnight
Summary: These are going to be side chapters that detail some things that did during his 3 months worth of time in Los Santos in Dragons Forgotten, my current main fic. Enjoy the shenanigans.


**Dragons Forgotten**

**Extra Chronicles: Los Santos Episodes**

**This will be the first in a series of chapters that are side chapters to Dragons Forgotten. They only are meant to either be chapters about Kai's past or just stupid and funny things he did in his time in Los Santos after losing his memoires. Later on there will be side chapters of more up to date things. And there won't be anything spoiled about his past that hasn't already been shown in the main story. With that out of the way, here's the first of this series of outrageous side chapters. This one was inspired by some people doing "character answering emails" fics and that video called "Ask Propecia the Crack Ho". In this case he works a side job answering Skype like video calls for a company that accepts calls on guidance for life. Expect calls from characters of many series alongside the occasional NPC. Enjoy reading their calls and his responses. This company is called Life's Lemons Incorporated. This isn't a Q&A because of two things. One, my character is not answering fans (Even if he has little to none), and two he's only giving advice to characters that need it and it's contextually a part of the plot of these extra chapters. But all in all, don't take this seriously. Meant for fun.**

**Chapter 1: Crazy Graces.**

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><p><strong>Call From: Big Lipped NPC Sinthany<strong>

**Location: Liberty City**

**Subject: Preconceived notions**

**Hi. My name's Sinthany. How do I get people to stop asking me how much cock I suck? It gets really annoying when everywhere I walk, people call me out on something like that when they don't even know me.**

**Re: Preconceived notions**

**Representative: Kai**

**You need to stop with the fucking silicone injections. But seriously. How much cock do you suck? You expect people to automatically expect silicone injections in a city like Liberty-fucking-city!? You've gotta be dropping acid every second if you think anyone doesn't think "DAMN!? HOW MUCH COCK DAT HOE BE SUCKIN!?" Now get the fuck out of here and drain that lard filled face vajajay you got going on there.**

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><p><strong>Call From: The Maiden With A Pure Heart Of Planeptune<strong>

**Location: Planeptune**

**Subject: Changing nations**

**I don't know what I should do... I live in Planeptune. But I wanna live in Lastation. My main problem is that I can't afford it... I wasted all my money on my hacking equipment. Being a hacker and all, the tools to utilize my best skills took priority over moving. And I can't hack satellites without them.**

**Re: Changing nations**

**Representative: Kai**

**First off, I don't even know what the fuck Planeptune is. Nor do I know what Lastations is supposed to fucking be. If they're nations, then they've gotta be the most backwater nations anyone's ever heard about. Sounds like the kind of place that always goes 10 steps backwards when they try to fuckin make some goddamn progress. And if you can hack satellites, then why the fuck didn't you just hack your way into a plane ticket to wherever you wanna go? Get back to me when you have a fucking brain.**

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><p><strong>Call From: Super Mario<strong>

**From: Los Santos State Penitentiary**

**Subject: When are they gonna release me from prison? I'm the motherfucking SUPER MARIO!**

**As the title says. When are they gonna do the right thing and release me from this bullshit prison?**

**Re:When are you gonna release me from prision? I'm the motherfucking SUPER MARIO!**

**Representative: Kai**

**When you fucking learn to stop assaulting Luigi's sorry ass with a crack pipe for besting you in an arm wrestling contest. You Italian, meatball slapping, garlic sucking shit. Ever heard of the fucking law? Next time I catch you doing that shit, I'm not gonna even bother arresting you. Next time I'm just gonna say "He resisted and pulled out a weapon". Get over yourself. Your glory days are disappearing, dumbass. Like Lidsay Lohans fucking career. Don't call again and just nut up and serve your fucking time.**

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><p><strong>Call From: Peter Parker<strong>

**Location: New York City**

**Subject: Why am I so upset all the time?**

**Hi... Names Peter Parker. I feel like shit most of the time. I have a tough as shit job. And it's very rewarding. But for some reason I'm always so irritable. Why? Please help me... I can barely take it anymore without feeling like I'm about to cry and swing at the next person in front of me. Help me out please.**

**Re: Why am I so upset all the time?**

**Repsentative: Kai**

**You need to get your nerdy ass laid. First time I ever got laid before certain... Issue, was about 2 months ago. I was a pretty messed up wreck. I was a lot more irritable than you could fucking imagine. Always slamming my fist on the walls to my neighbor's apartment whenever they started fucking, and even when they were off on the other side of the apartment. No pussy, or dick if that's your thing, can do things to a freakin man. Especially when you've never done it before. Least I assume you never did it. Look Peter. I'll email you an address, and I'll make sure to introduce you to the cleanest, most inexpensive hooker you could find in Los Santos. Trust me. She's in NY right now. The most she has is a benign hemorrhoid that's so deep in that you'd have to take a 5 foot long subway sandwich just to get to it. She'll be good for you. I think you'll like her. Her names Mary...Mary Sue.**

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><p><strong>Call From: Shogun Afimojasu<strong>

**Location: Currently located in R-18 Islands**

**Subject: What the flying fuck, Amazon!?**

**What the fuck, Amazon!? Why the fuck am I not getting anything in the mail!? Where's my fucking 100 dollar gift cards!? My blog's been affiliated with you lousy fucks for years now! I should be rolling in fucking online digitial paper! And you bastards haven't sent me anything for the past 3 months! Fucking shit!**

**Re: What the flying fuck, Amazon!?**

**Representative: Kai**

**Are you a fucking moron? Do you have garbage up in that head along with nuts and bolts? You fucking retard. Do we look like Amazon? Get the fuck out of here and call us when you actually have a need for some fucking advice. Stupid piece of new gen robotic shit. I bet you're a fucking 14 year old little shit behind the controls to that piece of junk. Now I'm gonna hang the fuck up. Get a fucking life kid. And someone for fucks sake, tell me about these locations. Why the fuck do these asinine names even exist!? R-18 Islands!? Does it serve fucking popcorn and diet Pepsi's? Fuck that shit, someone had better bring me some fucking nachos!**

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><p><strong>Call From: Vegeta<strong>

**Location: West City**

**Subject: I need some bitch spray**

**Listen to my demands you low class piece of corporate garbage! I heard of an item that companies sell called bitch spray! I need this product. I have quite the bitch for a woman! Now tell where it is! I need this to lower my own stress!**

**Re: I need some bitch spray**

**Representative: Kai**

**Do we look like Smosh to you? If there existed something called bitch spray I would've already used it on my fucking bitch of a superior back in the Los Santos police force. Now get the fuck out of here! And if she's being such a bitch then have you thought that maybe she's on her period? Like... 24/7 if it's all the fucking time? Get her a decent fucking set of maxi-pads and tampons, and call it a fucking day. Oh, and get her a fucking diamond earring or something. That usually sets a bitch straight. Doesn't work on ladies. But it might work on a menstruating bitch.**

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><p><strong>Call From: Amakusa Kanade<strong>

**Location: Currently residing in Osaka Japan**

**Subject: My absolute choice is killing me.**

**Hey... I have a fucked up curse placed on me. It's called Absolute Choice. And I need it removed. Now. One moment I could be enjoying a coffee at a Starbucks and all of a sudden it pops these choices in my head telling me to either strip down to my birthday-suit and scream out the phrase "Penis Pump!" or to become a literal Ice Cube in an iced coffee and die a horrible death. I hear chants and such exist that can ward off things like curses. Even if only for a bit, I need to know what to say for these chants. So please tell what to say.**

**Re: My absolute choice is killing me.**

**Representative: Kai**

**Hakuna Matata. It's a wonderful phrase.**

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><p><strong>Call From: Freezypop<strong>

**Location: Freezypop planet 419**

**Subject: Legenduh!**

**Super Pooper Scoopers Are Just Legenduh!**

**Re: Legenduh**

**Representative: Kai**

**How the fuck am I supposed to respond to this garbage? Don't you havea brother or something? Bring him here next time. I hear he's a lot more pleasant to talk to if you wanna intellectually discuss the workings of a working illegal business. Maybe I can use that knowledge to better handle the crime organizations in Los Santos.**

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><p><strong>Call From: Obese NPC Marcus<strong>

**Location: Los Santos**

**Subject: Fuck me.**

**Please? I'm desperate. No girl wants to be with me. Someone fuck me to see if I'm gay.**

**Re: Fuck me.**

**Representative: Kai**

**We have male hookers in Los Santos. Go find them, lard ass.**

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><p><strong>This is the end for the first extra chapter.<strong>


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